F

so, how did I do? 

an "F" may seem harsh, but that's the way that I see it. 

I won't go into the particulars. what's the point? I know what I did and didn't do and so does God. besides, that's between me and God.

however, I will say that another "F" word is a big part of my failure--faith. 

do I really believe that Jesus was tortured and suffered a horrible death to redeem me from my sins? intellectually it's not so much that I don't believe as it is that I know my failures to live the life that I should have. the scale of justice is way out of balance--not in my favor. 

but then, I'm not the Judge--God is. 

years ago I heard it put this way... 

Joe and Bob were buddies. they grew up together. Joe made good choices. he was a respected judge in criminal court. Bob made bad choices. he was a criminal--a repeat offender. now Bob was in court on a murder charge. 

when Bob was led into court for his murder charge, he saw Joe on the bench. Bob thought "O boy! my buddy Joe is the judge! I've got it made!" 

when the verdict was read, Bob faced Joe--guilty. Bob thought "no! how could Joe do this to me?"

at that point Joe stood up from behind the bench, took off his judge's robe and stood next to Bob. "Bailiff" Joe called "remove Bob's handcuffs and put them on me. I'll serve Bob's sentence." 

the best explanation of John 3:16 that I've ever heard.

public domain

I should rejoice and be glad that I have a loving Redeemer. 

God have mercy on me for my weak faith.